Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
