You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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