Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
