My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
