where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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