i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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