In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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