Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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