How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
