Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
