when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
