Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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