I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
