dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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