just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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