i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
