dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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