You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
