Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
