Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
