Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
