i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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