Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
