we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
