I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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