I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
