I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
