just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize