I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
