so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize