tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
