I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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