this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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