Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
