you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
even my farts smell like vagina
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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