By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
