I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
