im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
