Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
