Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
