Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize