last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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