And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
