Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
