dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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