quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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