i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
