I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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