i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize