it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
