Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
