The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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