so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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