I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
