I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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