Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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