I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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