There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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