why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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