I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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