i already hear my dad disowning me
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
