Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
