i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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