So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
