I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
