Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
