woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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