I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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